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BetweenTruth&Denialsometimes the illusion is more REAL |
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| First of all - don't trust everything u read here. I like to blur reality with illusion. Or better yet, make illusions real. I enjoy mind games. This journal is a mix of what is real, what i want, what i'm scared of, and what i want people to think. DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING I SAY HERE. - xP |
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| Feb. 23rd, 2005 @ 09:27 am The End | |||
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| This is the good bye. thank u to those who cared im sorry if my leaving depresses you... i can't live in this world anymore and its at this end that i feel i can finally confess... i love you... i always have... but you never loved me back... even your sympathy kiss felt empty (no i havent gotten over that - and i'm no longer going to live in the past) i thought we could be happy together - but i was wrong goodbye take care dont follow this lead this is the last time you will ever hear from me - sorry to burden your lives. i never meant to fuck everything/everyone up view my life as a lesson - dont go there xPierre |
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| Feb. 17th, 2005 @ 11:16 am Something | |||
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I'm Feeling:
i've officially given up on trying to care apatheticIn My Ears: Madonna - Die Another Day and my apathy will now be my own |
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| Feb. 16th, 2005 @ 10:31 am True of Strangers | |||
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I'm Feeling:
its been kinda weird of late artisticjaime has been as beautiful as he can be - but i do know the value of a fake smile and he struck a chord with me the other nite - he really knows me. more so than i thought. i always knew that he knew me more than i do... but he REALLY knows me he gave me the coolest picture that he painted and i even picked up a brush myself... somewhere in my deep boredom that is wendy's lecture... i finished writing a song.... including a cute piano riff.. and a lil violin. here's the lyrics i watch you walk away and i'm used to this feeling you're just another cute stranger who left without an introduction someone broke my rear view mirror so i thank whoever that kinda stranger is he helped me to never look back or i'd be sad to see you go it's you cute strangers who give me hope and who break my heart it's you kind strangers who make me smile and who shatter my dreams it's so true of strangers, anonymous strangers sometimes i will gain the courage to say 'hi' but that is even more rare than our eye-contact yet i still watch you interesting stranger i watch you all alone it's you interesting strangers who i look down on and who belittle me it's you sweet strangers who make me welcome and who ostracise me its so true of strangers, anonymous strangers |
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| Feb. 15th, 2005 @ 03:04 pm Scissor Sisters | |||
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| soo... good vibrations was on saturday scissor sisters rocked! del is sooo cute the end. xP |
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| Feb. 11th, 2005 @ 12:07 pm Little White Crocodile | |||
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| on tuesday i said goodbye to alicia - that was sad and LAST NITE WAS AWESOME alcohol + pill + pot + new friends = fun! on a lil bit of a downer.. i ran into jaime's sister... i dont remember exactly what i said to her - nor what she said to me. but the term "bad influence" was used to describe me.... and she also gave me a look... and just then while walking to this here lab... i ran into brad... he called me "strange" numerous times.... so - i'm starting to think that maybe i'm not so normal... xP |
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| Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 04:14 pm Rufus Wainwright | |||
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| we saw him and his family it was soo beautiful *sigh* xP |
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| Feb. 3rd, 2005 @ 10:55 am Sympathetic Lesbian | |||
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| here's a song i wrote last week or whenever its largely inspired by kate but myself seemed to be more than just in it and i think it has a universal feel to it the only music i've written for it is on my coconut - i need a piano here are the lyrics: we have beautiful fake smiles to hide our depression acting completely uninhibited we cover our shyness say we're having a party just to grab another drink we speak in the most vulgar way coz it covers our insecurities standing out from the crowd we desperately want acceptance say we love your lives instead of saying we're lonely we are sympathetic lesbians and we need a hug we are sympathetic lesbians and we need your love we wear black clothing to overlay our bright underwear our big wide eyes can't see our dry tears we have large thick bracelets and they do cover the scars but we found each other and we will stick together as we love each other and will stay like this forever we are sympathetic lesbians and we need a hug we are sympathetic lesbians and we need your love we are sympathetic lesbians and we need your help we are sympathetic lesbians and we need - oh how we need but we found each other and we will stick together as we love each other and will stay like this forever we are sympathetic lesbians and we need a hug we are sympathetic lesbians and we need your love |
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| Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:28 am Off My Chest | |||
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I'm Feeling:
every nite is a drinking nite sympatheticIn My Ears: Alanis Morissette - Ironic and every nite i seem to only be digging deeper into this depression last weeks embarassing 3 "attempts" in 24hrs kinda was the lowest point so far. after a phone call stopped my wrists for being gone and my belt broke around my neck and i took panadol with those other pills (possibly the dumbest) i ended up crying in kates arms - oh how she heals and now i have this beautiful "suicide wound" patch on my wrist. enter ed. he's back at the coast only visiting for a few days and it was soo fun to hang out with him last nite and so i got drunk and i confessed. EVERYTHING i know about my real father and oh how it feels so wierd to have said it to someone we're not even that close and then once i got home - i tryed calling people - i NEEDED to talk to someone - yet noone was there for me... xP |
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| Jan. 31st, 2005 @ 01:46 pm 1000 Words | |||
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| Jan. 28th, 2005 @ 09:14 pm Who? | |||
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| umm i think i should do a lil catchup but i'm kinda not going to instead i'll just put in lil bits of interesting tuesday: i cut and coloured my hair and mps was horrible i saw james he kissed me - the kind of sympathy kiss only people who dont like suicide give u all the rest is a drunken blur until last nite another failed attempt - fuck that phone xP |
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